“deep down though, i guess i always knew they never would be.”
and that really sucks. knowing and hoping do not go well together. i know we are best friends forever , and i know we will not get into a relationship anytime soon( or anytime ever) for that matter but that doesn’t stop me from hoping that we will. and hope is what breaks people’s hearts, mine probably.
when i read about what people write about “when you finally look at your best friend, and realise that he’s the one that you want to spend your life with. the best friend whom you’ve been sharing everything with suddenly is the person you are falling in love with…” i feel like saying yeah right to them. it doesn’t work that way all the time.
that’s the thing about drawing lines. you spend most part of your time drawing lines and then when its erased you get all confused and scared and hope for the best. and when you finally give yourself a chance, you look around and realise you’re the only one who stayed, because he left long ago.
this feels really angsty, it feels kinda angry too. but that’s because i am a little. not at you, more of at myself, ok maybe a little at you too. why did you have to go and blur the lines, i know you did all you can, i know you tried your best to give us a chance and a shot and i can’t fault you for that because you tried. then it becomes me getting angry at myself, why am i not good enough, what is it about me that doesn’t invoke in you the feelings that make you want to be there for me all the time, be with me and just pick me.
and sometimes it feels so easy to cut you out, to cry for that few months, and then get better slowly. rather than be caught in this constant battle of being with you but not being with you. because everytime i’m with you, everytime i play the role of being your best friend, i have to keep consciously reminding myself that i’m just a best friend. nothing more. that i have to prepare myself to see you with another girl , to see you laugh with her and to look at her the way you used to look at me. to see you put your arms around her shoulders and squeeze her just the way you do it with me. that sucks at this point. but i know when that happens, it’ll be ok in the end, it alway will be ok.
maybe guys and girls should never have been best friends. or if so, never ever blur the lines in between because once you do, its hard to get out intact. beacause like what this quote says
” when i say i really like spending time with you, it means i’m in love with you”
a part of me doubts that i’m in love wtih you,maybe i’m not. maybe i just want what i can’t have, and when i do i lose interest in it. the other part of me is saying that that’s just a whole load of crap, who am i kidding anyway? oh well.
you never did love me, i always knew that.
